An Experience from Canada

LoWeiZ_WeiZi · Posted: Sun Mar 23, 2008 4:06 pm Post subject: An Experience from Canada

This is an experience, Karen Skidmore from Canada.
Enjoy the read!
Cheers!

A New Life in this Lifetime

I grew up very sickly, spending a lot of time alone, amidst violence, alcohol and abuse. My mother had me at 46, and died of cancer when I was 12. My father died of cancer a year a half later, at the age of 71. My sister Sylvia was 13 years older and married, so I went to live in a convent boarding school for girls. I was a very "moody" teenager, and the nuns told me I was "hard to love" and said they had "never seen a more bitter child".

After graduating high school and university, I attempted a career as a school music teacher, and soon had a nervous breakdown. I was exhausted, lonely, frustrated, poor, and apparently unlovable to boot. I had no sense of having power or influence over anything that seemed to happen to me.
I always suffered tremendously in romantic relationships - victimized and abandoned over and over again. It seemed that I would always be different from everyone else because I had no parents and no sense of "home". I believed that I would never experience things that others seemed to have so naturally - like a real home, marriage and children. I could not even imagine it for me.

Yet somehow I still had faith in my musical and dramatic talents. At 30,I went back to school, enrolling in a competitive and challenging new "Music Theatre Studio Ensemble" program at The Banff Centre. Living in residence was like boarding school all over again. At night in bed, I wailed like a baby, and then got up and threw glasses down the stairwell. I tried meditating but it only brought panic to the surface. Fortunately, my kind and gentle movement teacher, David, invited me for tea in his room, where he had a trunk, set up with candles and a wooden cabinet, taking up half the available floor. I asked, "Is it ok to sit here?" He explained about chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo, and wondered if I would like to read about about it. The first article was on "ichinen sanzen". I learned that I could influence the direction of my life and release the power that I felt in my heart. Wow! When we first did gongyo, he asked if I had any questions and I said no.

My first "benefit" was winning a role in a musical production at Canada's largest theatre ! Yay! But then my abusive boyfriend got the same gig two weeks later. Boo! I went to David's Gohonzon and cried and cried, thinking, "This is so unfair. How can I enjoy this now? I just want to be happy. I want to be happy. I deserve to be happy!!" Even as this last thought emerged, I felt a great jolt of energy through my whole body, as though I was being pulled up from my chest and straightened. Suddenly my tears stopped and a new thought came into my mind - "Nothing is going to stop me from enjoying this !!! " Then I chanted strong daimoku and finished gongyo. David said, "Good for you." From this palpable, visceral event, I knew there was something 'real' for me in this "Mystic Law".

Certainly over 25 years of practice, touring all across Canada, I have had many experiences of concrete actual proof. For example, once I chanted for 21 days for "the most fantastic job I've ever had", and on the 21st day I got a gig singing with jazz star Cleo Laine. Once I chanted all night for my dying uncle, and at dawn the nurses described his recovery as a miracle, and sent him home.

Of course some problems were harder to solve.
In 1994, Phil - the man I adored - left me, saying he didn't want to be in a relationship anymore, because he wasn't ready to go further. I had been a friend of his family first, meeting him through his sister Jocelyn, who was a member I had taken care of. What a mess. My whole world fell apart. I chanted for hours that we would get back together, but when he confessed that my Buddhist practice was a mystery to him and an obstacle, I knew I had to move on.

I was 40 then, and I felt inadequate in every way, but especially as a Women's leader in SGI, because I had no life experience in regular employment, marriage or motherhood. Sensei wrote,
"No doubt at the crucial juncture you will feel totally worthless and incompetent. But it is precisely at this time that you can manifest new potential. Only you decide the person you will become."

Because of Sensei's constant guidances, I realized that I could apply the Gosho, prayer and faith when viewing all the members' problems. I widened my general knowledge by reading his many dialogues and essays. Whenever I was suffering I would remember the Gosho, "The Buddha will enfold in his robe (of mercy) all those who nonetheless persevere in propagating." and then call one more member or tell one more person about chanting, or chant one more daimoku. In this way, I have introduced 27 people, including my sister Sylvia, and made many friends.

In 2004, I found myself working seven days a week, at four jobs, and I became really concerned about my stress. Turning poison into medicine, I made a wild determination "to establish the financial security for the rest of my life in this one year - 2004", pledging "All my good fortune is for kosen rufu and the members."
Honestly facing my loneliness, I wrote about how I wanted to feel if I was ever in a relationship again - "I want someone I can be myself with, and really love without holding back - who will really love me, and make my life easier, not harder, including financially."

In March of 2004, Phil's sister Jocelyn called to say their father had died, and would I like to come to the house. Without a second thought, I went to see his mother, because she had always been so good to me. Phil was there, and he immediately greeted me warmly. He apologized for hurting me ten years earlier, saying many kind things about how I had loved him well. We exchanged info to be in touch, and I left feeling great about myself. I could never have foreseen that, eight months later, after much creative wooing, Phil would say that he wanted us to be together and I would agree!
Since Sensei always stresses taking things positively, I decided that this was an opportunity to experience a whole new part of life. If it didn't work out, I would take responsibility for my choice, knowing I was stronger now and could handle whatever happened, because opening my life was worth the risk.

This was a great decision.
First of all Phil wanted me to have a real home of my own at last, so he gave me an actual house to own and share with him. And he wanted me not to have to worry about finding work, so he gave me an allowance, and made me secure in his legal will. Since he was retired and comfortable, and because he knew my life had been very hard, he decided to make my life easier by caring for me and our home as his 'job' - his mission in life. I deserved it, he said. In my heart I knew that it was a benefit from my practice, so I could accept it gracefully.

Phil said that, because I had kept up my chanting while we were apart, I was able to stay positive and strong, maintaining my true self, in spite of my difficulties, and now he could really see the value of the practice!
But one thing he couldn't see was Marriage in our future.

Phil and I were married on May 14, 2006 !
SGI Canada General Director Tony Meers married us at our dining room table, using a beautiful Buddhist marriage address. It was perfect.

And I am so grateful that, in spite of his earlier doubts about the practice, Phil and I now host district meetings in our beautiful home, which is full of original art for the members and guests to enjoy.

And Phil joined SGI on January 4, 2008 !

At our small wedding, I quoted the Gosho passage, "There is no greater happiness for human beings than chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo."
I believe this wholeheartedly, but never understood it till now.
I know that a long happy healthy life together with our loved ones is a great good fortune. Each day I pray from the bottom of my heart for this, and to share the benefits of 'my new life in this lifetime'.
_________________
~Be the Best, Eat the Rest~~*
Sam_LoWeiZ

alexfun · Site Admin

This is a very touching experience!!... I am inspired. Thanks weizi...

Folks... this reading will worth your time doing it.
_________________
The conductor goin' insane... Hey, dun "cucuk" my itchy back!!...

LoWeiZ_WeiZi

hi all,

Here is another experience from SGI-USA Brass Band Member From Penang, Leng Hong. do read this and together let us always remember have valuable our members' lives are, and how we should play our mission as comrade each other and help each other to turn over their karma...victorious in life, not just skill improvement in music.

Happy reading!! Thankz to everyone effort to develop our band...

WHAT IS THERE THAT CANNOT BE ACHIEVED?
– John Finkbeiner, Chicago

World Tribune, May 19, 2006

epilepsy = disorder or the nervous system, causing convulsion (violent movement of the body due to cotraction of the muscles involuntarily), sometimes resulting in unconsciousness

I was born with epilepsy in 1954. Back then, epilepsy was a curse.
People said I would be retarded, institutionalised and never lead a
productive life.

Doctors gave me stronger and stronger medication, which made me
incredibly slow. Despite the medication, I had frequent seizures. I
could not do things like others did. I never fit in, and I made very
few friends.

School was a struggle – I felt stupid and did poorly. I finally
graduated from high school in the bottom 25% of my class. My seizures
got worse. Of the three jobs I worked in the next two years, I was
laid off twice and fired once. I tried college but my grades were
poor. I felt inferior and downhearted, so I quit.

My first job after leaving college was as an electro-encephalogram
technologist. I loved the work. It was fascinating to look at brain
waves, and I identified with patients diagnosed with epilepsy. I had
seizures on the job, however, and so I was fired. My fellow-workers
were not sympathetic. A co-worker told me – "Get out of this field –
it is not for you. Get a job doing something else." I was crushed.
After brain surgery to cure my seizures (which failed) and two more
jobs (from which I was fired), I moved to Chicago .

I found myself with no friends, and once again, no job. I was having
five to eight large seizures and countless small tremors every day. I
was going through my meagre savings, taking 20 pills a day and losing
a battle against cockroaches in my apartment. That was when I learned
about Nam-myoho-renge-kyo. I began chanting and soon got my first
benefit – again, a job doing EEGs. It lasted one month. I was fired
while I was in the emergency room recovering from seizures that had
lasted three hours.

I plunged back into despair, feeling like a failure. I had several
more jobs, which lasted, in order: two weeks, one week, three days and
one day. At this rate, I figured the next job would last about four
hours. I might have given up before, but now I was practising
Nichiren Buddhism, and I absolutely refused to give in. I chanted for
several hours over two days and threw myself into SGI-USA activities,
including chanting an hour every morning at the local SGI-USA
community centre.

I continued having many seizures. Once, having read President Ikeda's
guidance aloud to members, I launched into a seizure so strong that I
had to hang onto the altar to keep from falling, but I did not let
that stop me from reading.

My next job – yet again doing EEGs – lasted nine months, longer than
any job so far. I was still over-medicated, however, and often fell
asleep during the day. Eventually, I was fired. Around this time, an
extremely compassionate woman – Betty, who has since become my wife –
convinced me to strive even harder to challenge my problem through my
Buddhist practice. I decideed, against doctor's orders, to cut back on
my medication, To my amazement, the seizures lessened – the medication
had actually been increasing my seizures. After years of suffering, I
successfully withdrew from one medication with the doctor's approval.

My next job as an EEG technologist lasted more than a year. Despite
the improvement, I believed I was never going to succeed. In the back
of my mind, my former co-worker's voice told me repeatedly, "Get out
of this field – it is not for you." I continued to chant every morning
at the community centre, to perform with the SGI-USA Brass Band and
introduce others to Nichiren Buddhism. Eventually I landed an EEG job
where I stayed for four years. Then I was recruited for another job,w
here I stayed for nine years. I'm not stupid, I began to realise.
Based on consistent Buddhist practice and study, I felt that my losing
jobs was breaking down. One doctor at this last job, however, began
ranting at all the staff that we were "stupid, ignorant and dumb and
shouldn't be in the medical field." Given my history, this brought up
tremendous anxiety and fear – especially my fear of failure. Panic
attacks swept over me as I chanted Nam-myoho-renge-kyo in front of the
Gohonzon, so I chanted with more determination than ever. At times I
could barely breathe because of the depths of my fear. I finally
summoned the courage to conquer my fear and walked into that doctor's
office.

"You don't respect me – the dignity of my life – or anyone else's," I
said. That was the beginning of a three hour confrontation. Throughout
this whole process, something within me changed. I now had the guts to
stand up for what I believed was right. As I chanted about this later,
I made a startling discovery. I had been chanting with my eyes closed
– literally – for a long time. I realised I had to face my fears with
my eyes wide open.

After moving into the SGI-USA men's division, I began chanting to help
youth. Six months later, to my surprise, I was asked to teach at the
college level. This was especially remarkable because I did not even
have a bachelor's degree. Teaching had two effects: I gained
self-confidence, and I also realised how little I knew. This prompted
me to make more effort to continue learning about my chosen field in
EEG technology.

Eventually I got a job at the UNiversity of Chicago Hospitals. The
physicians treated me with respect and sometimes even asked my opinion
about test results. The old "Get out of this field" comment faded from
my thoughts.

I was working, teaching school, living out of a suitcase (while our
condominium was remodeled from the ground up) and carrying out
responsibilities as an SGI-USA chapter leader. On top of all this, I
was asked to develop a college course. I worked night after night on
this project. I had little time to chant, so I put as much sincerity
as I could into each Nam-myoho-renge-kyo. I realised that I could not
afford to be afraid, and that I had to be confident in everything I
did. I turned the project in, and was commended for an "awesome job."

The school administration began to look to me for advice. One night,
the school's chief administrator asked if I would like to become the
interim program co-ordinator, while the new director learned about the
school and this highly specialised course. He told me to name my
duties and my salary. I was floored.

Today, I am a supervisor at Northwestern Memorial Hospital , and I
teach at another university, where I was recently asked to be the
program director. My seizures have decreased to one every one or two
week, always at night. I have gone from 20 pills a day to six, and I
am thinking more clearly than ever.

Based on my practice of Nichiren Buddhism, I changed from being the
"stupid", over-medicated and sickly kid to where I am today. I want to
always remember and impart to others the words of Nichiren Daishonin:
"Muster your faith, and pray to this Gohonzon. Then what is there that
cannot be achieved?" (Writings of Nichiren Daishonin, p.412) My
determination is to take my newfound confidence and share it with
others.

Idea

_________________
~Be the Best, Eat the Rest~~*
Sam_LoWeiZ